Sleepless nights spent mindlessly lullabied by the dark whispers of his consciousness could only last so long, he thought. Tomorrow’s a new day anyways. But as he tried to drift off, away from the crashing waves against the sandy beach of prominent emotions, the current pulled him back to shore. Tossing and turning, using every ounce of his energy to keep his boat afloat, time becomes nothing more than a mindless sensation, as minutes turn to hours and those hours turn to day as the sun rises once again.
Bags under his eyes, he gets out of bed, unwillingly, but accepting of his defeat. He walks into the bathroom and turns the shower tap on. As he undresses, he has a look in the mirror. Haunted by the ghoulish bags under his eyes and the visibility of his skeleton, he sheds a tear. It’s almost as he’s diseased, and he is, but not medically. Emotion plagues his mind as he steps into the shower, ready to repeat a day of a nonchalant attitude to repel the emotion he’s shielding.
As the tide changes with the sun rise, the crashing waves turn into a soft oscillation, and he gathers himself and prepares to set out once again. As he sets off into the horizon, he stops suddenly. An fleet is waiting. He can’t continue.
He makes himself a meal- he can’t eat. His stomach churns. He’s hungry. But the fear of rejecting his meal is too much for him, as he sets his food aside and gets back into bed. The armada has arrived. He stands atop his raft, trembling out of fear, as the armada send him back to that shoreline he resents. He can hear his people shout to him as he nears the coastline, “Come back! We miss you!” they shout, but he’s not interested. Instead, he sits on his raft, pondering a return, but unable to reach a concrete decision.
He decides to crawl back into bed, and as he drains out the melancholy music, he’s left alone with his thoughts once again. He reminisces the days he’s spent exploring the city he called home. The countless adventures and endless conversations he’s had with… them. But they’ve since left, with no armada waiting to watch for escapees, since they were first. And now, he’s left alone, battling return or an armada of merciless ships. In bed, on his raft, he wonders if they still think of him.
He didn’t do anything that day. Laying in bed, wondering, hoping, wishing, he spent the next hours in and out of his consciousness and watched the tides change in his mind. And then it was nightfall. He gets up and looks out of his window and stares at the city lights, tears falling like rain on a soft spring day, and that’s what it was. A gloomy day, but flowers and trees on the streets and pavements below dancing as they sway with the wind and the petals and leaves boogieing with each drop landing soft on them. It gives him hope, but it’s not enough for him as he crawls back into bed.
Daydreaming, well, night dreaming, but without sleep, as the thoughts of something better falsely allude to a positive mind state. He thinks it’s all deja-vu, on an endless cycle until he can find the courage to escape the armada keeping him at bay.
It really is. Nights pass, weeks go by, timid, without faith in himself to escape, he goes from raft to city, from city to raft. Always planning, never committing, and missing what made his city so perfect.
By now, it’s summer, and he gets on his raft once more. He finally had the perfect plan to escape. But, frail from his bad habits and deteriorating health, his efforts left him laid out on the raft, without energy to get up and begin his voyage. As he looks into the summer sun and fades into darkness, he wonders if they still think of him.
They had only met last autumn, but they said their goodbyes so soon, and as the world went from grey to black, he let out a breath- the flame in his mind shrinking into a measly ember.