la fille française
through cycles of laughter and anger
for the smallest of reasons,
you cut me off as i say “but
it’s-”
lost, the words i search for,
scavenging, but not found
x marks the spot but the map lies within
you
the ocean that separates us figuratively,
literally, as the tide rolls in to cover the last remains
of a thought not said, just left as
that
emotions masked by a blank stare
as that’s the only option
where does the problem lie, in
i?
if we can’t see eye to eye
why would i wait for a lie
to turn into a dream if that’s not what i
want
dreams are meant to be chased
but how can that be when i see
differently, just to hold on to hope and say
“but-”
six feet remain available
but the hole too deep to dig
i can’t kill a dream if i can’t write the
will
and i push myself to believe
but some things aren’t meant to be
even though i don’t like to say
never
but this time maybe
and i can only hope
but it’s easy to hope for something you don’t
have
and it’s easy to say it’s me
how could it be you
When the issue is that
i’m
not in a position to have you close
not mentally or physically
and i think it’s because i’m
too
caught up in my own world
i reach and hope and pray and wish
but you’re too
far
and if it’s not meant to be
then where’s the sign
no hands to tell, so it’s indefinitely
away
because there’s no time to tell
and no time to figure it out
and i’m not there, so there’s no time
to
ask, or talk, so silently,
i watch and listen
and wait on
hold
however long that may be
my heart and hope lies within
myself, and the faith in
you
awareness in one,
and the other unaware of the awareness
because i’m just
the
boy from far away
the wanderer, the dreamer
hoping that the
girl
far away can one day
watch my dream come true
as i say “hey, i’m
from
far away, and i’ve been dying
to meet you, and i’ve been longing
and i figured i’d find you in
france”
but for now i find you in my dreams
as i grasp onto wavering faith
dreaming, hoping
that
one day i can find you
and when i do, i’ll tell you about these dreams
and make promises that
i’ll
keep, but, it might be time
to recognise the truth
that it will happen
never
truth is, you never cut me off
because you’re the girl from france,
the one i’ll never
have
it’s you that i want but will never have
i’m too far away to hold you
the girl from france that i’ll never have
PDX
i left so soon
i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again
i didn’t even see you that night,
but when i met you in that other place,
i didn’t even realise,
what had come over me.
i didn’t even see you that night,
but i thought in that other space,
as wanton boys to flies-
what are you to me?
who are we to be?
i struggle to agnise,
and find any pace,
with lack of sight.
who you are to me,
either my demise,
or a romantic ace,
i’ll just think tonight.
there wasn’t much time anyway
not that first day
or the second day
we knew i had to go away
but part of me was praying
what you were saying
is what i was saying
because there was no staying
we had to go
and now i know
i hope you know
but do you though
and as i ponder
and i wander
and as you wander
i hope we grow fonder
maybe it won’t be where we met,
it could be back in that spot,
it could be where i know you are,
i just hope we meet again.
maybe it won’t be where we met,
it could be where i was when you were gone,
or it could be that you’d look for me where i am just for me to be away,
or maybe we’d find a new place where we’d be delightfully surprised to see each other again,
or maybe it’s not meant to be and we’re not meant to find each other.
maybe i’m just crazy,
i could be lost in emotion trying to claw my way out of hopelessness,
or i could be delusional and hoping for too much from nothing,
or maybe i can sense the feeling from you these many miles away,
or maybe i’m alone in feeling.
because i didn’t even get to see you that night,
i found you in a place i didn’t expect,
i’m not even sure if you found me.
i don’t know if you still think of me,
maybe it’s wrong because of the time and place,
because i didn’t even get to see you that night.
i didn’t even get to see you in that place;
you weren’t at home.
and i was a traveller too;
i wasn’t at home.
what i hoped to find,
i found elsewhere,
in a different place,
in another world.
i still found you there,
it’s not the same,
it’s a different place,
it’s not my home.
i hoped we could talk,
maybe we could reconcile,
but as i walk,
it may not be worth our while.
unless it’s fate to meet in that place,
i move along to another space.
the thought runs through my mind,
and hope as well,
that i can find,
and i can tell,
that person i met elsewhere that i’m sorry,
i’m sorry i left so soon,
and i’m sorry that i found you elsewhere.
i hope that i find you home,
i hope that it’s not too late,
and i hope that you’re still there.
i didn’t even see you that night,
i hope that next time you’ll be there,
instead of some other place.
instead of some other place,
please be there,
because that night,
i left so soon
i wonder if i’ll ever get to see you again
us? me?
i saw you again the visit wasn’t long but there’s something odd that just bothers me i think you’re a friend i know something’s wrong i gave you a nod you nodded to me i know what you don’t i saw you last night i’ll see you again i know that you won’t you won’t change, won’t fight but please don’t pretend that you are different you are not, i am you are consistent but i’m not the same man